In Arts and Entertainment...

Coming Soon to UTV (read more...)

UTV: "Turn on, tune in, turn off."

In Arts and Entertainment...

Friends to get Northern Ireland reboot (read more...)

Because people will cash in on it so long as the DVDs are available.

In Top Stories...

Malone Road to be inoculated against poor people (read more...)

A picture, soon to be the only way for most people to see the Malone Road.

In Science & Technology...

Queen's University- Space is big (read more...)

Queen's University, groundbreaking science.

In Religion...

Communion Wafers: body of Christ or everything but the penis? (read more...)

The Vatican, the world's largest importer of communion wafers.

In Environment...

Toxic Waste 'not that bad' according to NIEA (read more...)

Issuing statements to prove they're useful.

In Sport...

Glentoran to switch from Homewheat to plain Digestives in efficiency savings (read more...)

Glentoran Football Club, tight.

In Top Stories...

Orange Order to sue Midway Games (read more...)

Former video games publisher now owned by Time Warner under fire.

In Traffic and Travel...

Warrenpoint named Best Place for Incest for 4th year (read more...)

Warrenpoint, a place for the whole family.

In Arts and Entertainment...

Second Coming canceled due to poor ticket sales (read more...)

Cover Art from the highly anticipated 'Rapture'.

In World News...

Azeroth not real, Ballymena sadly is (read more...)

Stormwind, one of the many places you'll never really see.

In Top Stories...

Cripplingly ugly people to get Ferraris on Motability Scheme (read more...)

Susan Boyle is campaigning for Scotland to adopt the scheme.

In Environment...

Climate change: Fermanagh braces itself for sunny day (read more...)

What Fermanagh may look like in the sun.

In Sport...

Dungannon Swifts still rubbish (read more...)

Dungannon playing... football?

In Top Stories...

Lurgan security threat foiled (read more...)

Not dissidents, but they have a map.

In Economy...

Recession Watch: Local yobs switch from Buckfast to Mundies (read more...)

1990's Buckfast Advertisement, when the drink was marketed for it's sex appeal.

In Politics...

Executive Confusion: Peter Robinson accidentally signs Martin McGuinness' rejection of DUP proposal, no one notices (read more...)

First Minister Peter Robinson, "whoops".

In Top Stories...

Nolan Show bombarded by calls about something being a 'disgrace' (read more...)

A Nolan Show operator contemplates suicide.

Issue 1- The Shakey First Edition

HEADLINES

-TRAFFIC WATCH: Heavy traffic expected on M1 after Lurgan's weekly security alert on Monday.

-ECONOMY: Petition for Northern Ireland to be considered special case due to limp.

-WORLD NEWS: Stockholm just an 'alright' place to live.

-RELIGION: East Belfast versus West- God can't decide, leaves choice to Odin.

-SPORT: New Extreme sport announced- Pass The Parcel In A Belfast Pub.